A mother’s warning to her married son

Dear husband, if you ever find yourself talking more frequently with another woman who is not your wife, enjoying the company and presence of another woman, a strange woman more than your own wife’s company, and/or comparing your wife to every other woman out there, it may be time for you to stop being foolish and FLEE.

A strange woman is any other woman, no matter who she is – young, old, rich, old, beautiful or not – that you have begun sharing affections and relations intended only for your wife. It is foolishness for ANY man (or woman) to believe he can be wiser than the Only Wise God.

Go and ask David, Samson of old and the many other supposedly mighty men that have fallen at the laps of women. They will help you comprehend and put your present foolishness in the right perspective. Stop deceiving your own self. You are not exactly the mighty man you once thought you were. Sadly.

You don’t ever feel like taking your wife out, even though you know she likes being taken out, but you are never out of time and places to go when that colleague or strange woman out there wants to be taken out. Infact, in many cases, you are the one asking them out and footing the bills, yet you have a wife at home who is apparently not good enough for you to take out.

Every day you come home from work very tired to talk and enjoy her company, but you are not tired enough to spend the entire night watching ESPN and then turning around when you think she has gone to sleep to sneak into another room and chat foolishly but heartily with a strange woman, while your wife wets her pillow in tears.

Yet you married her.

You are very patient with other women, even your very nasty and bossy female boss. With other women you are Mr Calm and Patient. In fact your patience is known to literally sweep the floor you walk on. But when it comes to your wife, every single word from her mouth irritates and infuriates you.

Everytime she opens her mouth, regardless of what she is attempting to say and even before she’s said a word, all you hear is nag, nag, nag! But miraculously, no other woman in your world nags. It is only your wife, the flesh of your flesh and bone of your bones that puts the word in your dictionary?

Excuse me Sir, if this is so with you, ask yourself, “is there not a cause”? Nothing just happens! There is a cause. You are being sifted like wheat by the enemy of your soul.

With all the holy anger in me, brother, you are playing with the man of sin and he will not let you go until he has completely destroyed you. Satan has no good plan for you. His intention is to kill you, nothing less.

Go home to your wife.

Your wife, the woman you married, is not your problem. You are your own undoing. Your problem is your own lust and instatiability. One more woman will not do it for you. You have an ungodly appetite for what does not belong to you.

You are covetous and you are a thief. Go home to your own wife and stop prowling around shamelessly lusting after other men’s wives. In fact, you ought to be quite ashamed of yourself. I know you’d like to imagine that you can like Samson still arise as before, and still show how mighty and exemplary you are to your own children, but Sir, open your eyes.

You have no honor at the moment in this present lifestyle of sin and immorality. Whatever example you once had with your children is fast losing steam.

You are weak and in need of help. Satan has desired to sift you like wheat, but I bet you, that same woman living in your house, you know, the one you vowed to love and honor with your life and body, whom you have chosen to treat like dirt, has been praying for you and her relentlessness is keeping the wicked destroyer from completely wrecking your life.

Go home to her, and confess your lusts that you may find mercy and help from the head of the husband, Christ. He keeps a perfect account of your infidelity, even that of the heart alone, and he will bring you to strict account.

Many marriages have suffered untold losses and pain because a spouse decided they were going to be smart, howbeit completely foolish. The Only One who is wise says to you, “FLEE EVERY APPEARANCE of evil”.

It means that if it even looks like it, don’t wait to taste it and verify. The wisdom that is from God to you is, “just flee”. You have no business explaining it away and defending your promiscuity before your wife or anyone else, and justifying your lust.

It means FLEE, run away, escape, disappear, delete those text messages and put an end to those calls that must only be made and answered when your wife is asleep or at the end of the street before you drive into your compound. Put a complete end to those business trips that are only really opportunities to see and be with the woman sent from hell to make a mess of your life and eternal destiny.

Tell that strange woman that she does not savor the things that be of God, and like the Lord showed us an example in Matthew 16: 23, turn to her and say, “get behind me Satan: thou art an offence to me…”. Remove yourself from her presence and influence. You are not stronger than brother Samson and surely not wiser than Joseph.

Learn from him and even if it means abandoning your shirt at the lustful hands of Potiphar’s wife, FLEE. And let God defend you! Do not be stupid any longer. Do you not fear God?

It is a terrible thing indeed to fall into the hands of the living God. His wrath is terrible and His judgment swift and righteous. It is because of the terror of the Lord that we persuade men.

Your wife has a Father who is jealous for her. He guards her jealously and even more than her earthly father will not allow you to bring irreparable damage to His daughter.

He has made you head over her, not to lord it over like a shameless arrogant sinful man, but to recognize the privilege of having one that is special to God committed into your hands. Settle down and wash her. You have only found time for a strange woman because you suddenly thought you did not have to be at the battle front of her life.

At a time when godly husbands are waging war against sin and darkness and bearing their wives and children up before the Faithful and True God, you chose to stay back at “home”, at ease in Zion, which is when your idling around led you to the roof top, jobless enough to view the naked woman and wife of another.

Retrace your steps my brother and build up a fence over those openings in your heart and life that will allow you to covet and touch what does not belong to you.

Your wife may be filthy and undeserving of you but you married her. Perhaps it speaks first to your sense of judgment if you married a woman you now consider useless and a thing to be trampled upon. You saw beyond her filth to the shadow of what she could be, the spotless, perfect bride after your heart and you wedded her, of your own accord.

Well, she is still the same woman. She did not just change even though you prefer to believe she did. She was always difficult but you loved her enough at the time to look beyond her filth, determined to remain her king, her priest under God, the one she needs to become the pearl that she really is and can be.

Her Father, your Head and God, is only now exposing her to you that you may cooperate with Him in washing and cleansing her by the water of His Word. Get to work my friend. Face your own shade. Go home and yearn only after your own wife.

Under God’s design, she is your only true satisfaction and completion as far as intimacy on the earth is concerned. None else will do. If there is anything you desire of her that she presently lacks, it does not mean you should go looking for it elsewhere, it simply means you should go home, fold your sleeves up and get to work.

What you are busy “shopping” around for is not in any “store” out there. It is in her. Your wife has all that you need. But like fine diamond, she is often covered by other less desirable things. Unearth her. Clean her. That strange woman out there is not your wife.

She is not the one suitable and suited for you. You are not her savior. There is one already who died for her. And it is not you. Go and love your own wife like Christ loves His church and if you are destined to give your life for a woman, it must be for your own wife.

That strange woman has not been called to help you but her calling is to destroy you. Cut her off. Do not just discuss your resolve with her.

You honestly don’t have time for that neither do you owe a strange woman any courtesy. The courteous thing to do is to severe that association immediately. Cut if off. She will be the ruin of you. May the scales over your eyes today fall off that you may see again, Amen.

Amy Ben-Kalu